I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
