i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize