if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
