i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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