I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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