I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
