I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
