We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
