I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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