Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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