Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
