I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
