So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
