i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
