Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
