I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
there is glitter all over my balls
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
