remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
