i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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