Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
