Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
