I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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