6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have feelings that need drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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