i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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