Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize