I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
