I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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