were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
