don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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