Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
