I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
