My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize