he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
