you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize