Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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