I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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