I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
