Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
