I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
