you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
