Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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