just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
