we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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