it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
