I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
