I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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