There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
