At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
