I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize