3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
