She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
