When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
