Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
