Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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