I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
