someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize