he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
