Im at strip club and am horny
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
