found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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