I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
