Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
smell my finger.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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