I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
