shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my shit smells like andre
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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