just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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