They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
