I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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