whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
