My first STD was from a foam party
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
