I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
