Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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