i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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