can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
