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Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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