Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
