whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
