You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
