I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
