dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
