chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
