theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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