I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
