so that wasnt chicken after all
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
whose parrot is this?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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