Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
