New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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