She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
