Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
