if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
