he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize