i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
