My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
