Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize