i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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