She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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