Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
