Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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