Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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