it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have aggressive nipples.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dicks are not precious.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
