honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
