Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
