People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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