When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
