turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
