My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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