I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
