dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
