chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
