He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
