took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish you could order shots online.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
