Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize